Timeless
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Comments from Professional Readers
• I thoroughly enjoyed your screenplay, Bert. The super race you created is quite original; you made good use of your imagination. The script has a lot going for it.
• The cold blooded and calculating nature of Baats really makes him a believable villain. The way he flawlessly murders 3 business men in broad daylight on page 4 sets the stage for the rest of his evil acts. The way he is a kingmaker is done to great effect with his short pieces of dialogue he has with all his pawns. When he informs the sheriff on page 19 that he will be made into a senator and on page 21 when he informs the senator that he will be made the vice president, he does so within a few minutes and then dismisses them. On pages 25-27 the way he commandeers control of the union leadership by killing 4 leaders, having 5 more killed in an accident, and then informing the rest of the leadership that they will die in accidents as well, captures the ease with which Baats has people killed and incorporates himself into existing power structures. Even to the very end on page 122 Baats states that the reason his gun has only one bullet is because one is all a person needs when they know what they are doing.
• The lore of the Xaayans is very unique and interesting. The various flashbacks to different time periods with different iterations of Baats throughout the story build the mystery of the Xaayans and Baats seething hatred for humans. When it is revealed by Maace on pages 83-85 that all the Baats that have been tracked for hundreds of years are the same individual and that he was older in the past, the mystery of the Xaayans is kicked into overdrive. After Maace and Carla arrive at the Xaayan Center the rest of the mystery is unraveled. The revelation of the existence of a lost species mankind that was hunted to extinction because of their longevity fits the final piece of the puzzle into place. Overall a really interesting premise with some great pieces of writing.
• An engaging premise. The story has some good action sequences. The storyline about the Xaayans and their history is interesting and provides excellent material for a screenplay. The stakes are good. The final confrontation between Carla and Baats is good. The double-cross is good (Maace is actually partnered with Baats).
• An engaging “high concept” story with obvious studio appeal. The screenplay has a strong opening, introducing immediate tension and drama. The mystery surrounding Baats, his powers, longevity and political machinations creates a hook that draws the reader in. In addition, the good guys’ efforts to track Baats down and uncover his secret generate a sense of forward momentum.
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Pitch Points
• A unique version of the Beauty and the Beast with a murdering master criminal thrown in.
• While watching the film you will find yourself asking: Can an innocence and nice woman win over a misanthropic brute? Or will the sweet young lady arc out to be the usual kick-ass mamma so prevalent in modern flicks? Naw, nice and the principled weak could never win over a nasty bastard like Baats . . . but wouldn't it be refreshing?
• The male leads are twins, played by the same actor. One brother is good and a great catch for the protagonist, Carla. She falls in love with Maace without knowing he is the twin of Baats, who has been murdering Homo sapiens for centuries, and is a powerful master criminal with a deep lasting hate, and a dastardly plan for H. sapiens' future.
• The story takes the viewer to beautiful tropical scenes as Carla comes closer to a deadly trap engineered by her lover while the plot continues to build to the very end of the last scene.
• Can you imagine a fifteen-year old boy being the leader of the smartest and wealthiest men on Earth?
• Besides an exciting and unique movie, the author has outlines for a TV series of twenty-four episodes with a gimmick to create broad audience appeal.
• A drowning scène that will haunt the audience.
• Twenty experienced companies offering location scouting, casting, wardrobe, props, crew, film production, catering, police and fire departments, and the laws of the United States for protection.
• Waterfront accommodations nearby
MAIN PLAYERS
Carla, 30s, is a nice, caring, beautiful and never married woman who is a part time actress and runs what is left from her murdered father's private investigator business. She falls in love with the man she was hired to follow who, unknowingly to her, is the twin brother of a centuries-old killer and the man who killed her father.
Baats and Maace , 30s and twins are among the 342 survivors of the Homo xaaya, one of the original human species on earth who must hide their differences from H. sapiens to survive. Baats is all powerful and deadly with a deep lasting hate for sapiens. Maace is intelligent, laidback, in love with Carla. Unfortunately for Carla, he is the cunning loyal general in his bother's plan to even the score with sapiens.
SAM, 70, a retired detective, friend and partner of Carla's dad. He talks Carla into taking up the case her father had been working on.
CHUCK, 35,a bit obnoxious and a hefty southern FBI annalist on loan to Sam. Sam's friend, the FBI director, is more than happy to get him out of the office for a month.
BRUNO, 35, looks and sound like Mr. Peepers, is Sam's nephew. As a computer geek for the CIA, he takes a thirty day leave to help his favorite uncle.
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